Hung up the pumps

I kept my words and breastfed (expressed) Heidi till she's 6 months + a little. It was hard stopping the breast milk. Painful and I have to keep fighting thoughts that I will develop mastitis and etc...rubbing at any spot that seems to be hardening...fighting temptation to pump. The sooner I stop pumping, the faster it ends.

Ok it finally ended. Then while Heidi seems to be enjoying her Step 2 milk powder, freshly cooked porridge...the guilt of stopping bm never occur to me until she fall sick again last last wed. Its a shock to us and after learning our lessons, we rushed her to see the PD almost immediately. She's about 99% recovered now...thank God. Loads of prayers, tears...yes I cried because I didn't give her medicine in the correct dosage as instructed by the PD and her fever came and stayed a few times on Saturday. Come Sunday, I've had enough and I told my MIL that we are following instructions! I draft out a neat schedule of feeding time and medicine time and stick to it! SO a week of follow instructions...3 feeds of medicines dropped to 2 feeds...then now dropped to 1. Dropped ventolin and the one for running nose, dropped nose drop...she's getting all better...OH YAY! Her rashes got worse in the midst of her recovery. It pains me to see her scratching and irritated so I just whack the forbidden contain steroid cream aka Neoderm on her. My rational? Get it healed first. Maintain without.

Works.

Praise God for His support. I really have no one else to turn to because I was busy self-condemning and I didn't really ask anyone for help or opinion. (The only one I listened to was my MIL and see what it did to me.) Conclusion, it is alright to let a child fight flu naturally with healthy air, no H1N1 and no whatsoever viruses back then. Back then, you probably need only 3 vaccinations. Now? 1 jab a month until you are about 18 months old? Times are different. Old folks advice? Can take but analyze wisely. Not all can be applied to current times.

I was thinking...if Heidi had fallen sick while I was trying to stop my bm, I would have dropped the idea and upped my bm to ingest fresh antibodies from me to her. Then I will think back to when I could have worked harder at latching...and etc etc...self condemning thoughts again. GEEZ...leave me alone!!!

Pastor Prince's message from the bible came to mind again as I was surfing around in J@mie Teo's blog...

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Now why J@mie Teo? I saw her family at a wedding dinner on Sunday and I was surprised to see her beautiful lil'gal and I just wanna see more photos of her. Also I must admit that I was impressed that there was no maid between J@mie and D@niel. They are very hands-on parents...which I came to know about while reading her blog too. Impressed impressed. I start to feel a little guilty as I read about her breastfeeding ups and downs. Envious also...at the convenience of direct latching. But nah...I saw her other post about guarding my heart. God's message came whooping in and knocking my glasses off. I guess I...am just gonna love my Heidi in every way I possibly can. She's enjoying her milk. Her intake per day is quite impressive (to me). I just wanna fatten her up a tad and keep her healthy and happy. My happy Heidi....

I want Heidi to be happy in everyway possible. This feeling I am having must be what my Abba is feeling as He look at me. He wants the best for me too. He wants me to be happy. He wants to train me up for my challenges in life as gentle as He can. If He has to let me fall down, He has to...but I know I can count on Him to lift me up higher than before. Great is my Father's love...

random thoughts in this post...too tired to sort em out. I stopped drafting so well...maybe also cos my language is limited since I haven't read any books other than parenting stuffs for a few months already. Sheesh...time to read some trashy contemporary novels...